Sneakers! That's a huge miscommunication! Why do mice have such small balls? What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? Because youll be coming soon. What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. 0 comments. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an. A glad-he-ate-her. A woman walks around her house completely naked when suddenly she hears the doorbell ring. If sleeping with someone for money is the definition of a wh*re, then I think that I might be a non-profit whoreganisation. Is your name winter? A Lickalotopus. I asked my wife to tell me something to make me both happy and angry My wife said that my c0ck was slightly bigger than my brothers. Changes are slated to take effect July 9. Dont go in the church, you moron!' If these off-color gags don't make you giggle, you're officially more mature than us. Be sure to check back with us soon for more adult humor. The taste. How do you breathe through that little thing? Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? ", "My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, 'How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?' The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.". What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball? What's long and hard and full of semen? Give it to me!" she yelled. The other watches your snatch. What do you get when you jingle Santas balls? What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? I accidentally dropped my pillow on the floor. Mount Rushmore. If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to making love, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand? ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke. It suffered from withdrawals. Im getting a divorce with my wife and the judge decided that she gets half of my weed stash. By becoming a ventriloquist. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs. Lets get started: My colleague hates when I shorten his name to D*ck. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in. my wife?? 15. I like telling Dad jokes. We still had a great time. Why do vegans give better heads? Eclipse it. 2023 Galvanized Media. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. Theyre used to eating nuts. 50 Cent featuring Nickelback! Dewey! You know Im being sarcastic, right? Required fields are marked *, You need to agree with the terms to proceed. When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. Lets have a good time! A private tutor. Why is diarrhea hereditary? "With angry, irritable bowels." It made us laugh. Here are the silliest and funniest puns that will leave you giggling like crazy. How is life like toilet paper? Here are our favorite picks: 1. We may roll our eyes or groan each time dad busts out his sense of humor, but deep down we all love it. And a slightly different version of this dirty dad joke: When a pair of people have intercourse, its a twosome. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? My best friend wants to be an archaeologist, but Im trying to put him off. What should I do? 'Please for the love of God, could you stop wearing my bras! Because they cantaloupe! Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? A man answers Its the blind man. This post may contain affiliate links. Dewey who? Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! ", "I had to go the doctor because I've been having lots of irregular bowel movements. I guess I'm just not a mourning person! Because they never get any support from anything. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's. Getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them? Let's play carpenter! 6. Now I know why someone called YOU handsome. A socially dissed ant. Its not what it looks like!. See disclosure in the sidebar. We promise you'll crack a smile; we can't promise you won't feel guilty about it. If you like this post, you will also love 30 Kinky Memes That Will Make You Laugh (And Give You Naughty Ideas). Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? ", "I've just watched a documentary on marijuana. We've got it all, from dirty knock knock jokes to dirty puns and much more! I need, What does the cell say to his sister when she steps on his toe? The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. Doing the business in elevators is great on so many levels. 75+ Hilarious Golf Jokes For Everyone. Knock, knock. What did the guy say when he got caught playing with himself to an optical illusion? Some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but the punchlines will always deliver! No, I don't think they'll fit me. "I can't wait to have you inside me." 2. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? My phone keeps autocorrecting fvck to duck. Thats okay its still fowl language. A good toilet joke points to lifes juxtapositions and says, Yes. There are two types of people in the world: Those who love dirty jokes and those who say they don't but are lying. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? How is s*x like a game of bridge? The entire call center, and usually theyre yelling gibberish while they do it. Whos There? What you dont want to feel during your annual prostate exam is two hands resting around your hips. Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman? '", "Why is it so hard to argue with a woman who is not wearing a bra? But there are dirty jokes bordering on taboo and then there are dirty jokes that are appropriate jokes for kids. ", "Why did Piglet have his head in the toilet? With a great hand, you dont even need a partner to play with! It's a little fishy! 8. Thanks! I saw my wife, very drunk, yelling at the television. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. My manhood is only six inches, but it smells like a foot. Because of all of its problems! It runs in your genes. The more you play with it, the harder it gets to use it. He winked at me and said, 'I'm off duty in ten minutes meet me in the car park. My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I hate joint custody. Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray theres no multiplying involved. One says to the other: I cant believe I blew fifty bucks in there. ", A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. They diagnosed me with all kinds of weird shit. A white Christmas. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" Because he had a ton of sick beets. The husband says to his blonde wife "I was talking to the mailman earlier, he said he's banged with every woman on this street apart from one". How is playing bridge similar to sex? What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? What's the difference between kinky and perverted? I have a joke about being an electrician, but it's too shocking. Minnesota! You don't have to have kids to appreciate the corniest, punniest dad jokes of all time. } Is there any genre of humor more satisfying than a dad joke? "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that! 14. Pretty nuts! One snatches your watch. Careful! Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. What did the banana say to the vibrator? I wish COVID-19 had started in Las Vegas. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? So, get everyone together, get ready to solve some . Why did the squirrel swim on its back? In some cases, they are corny and sometimes just outright bad. 100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. Why did that one guy ask the escort for a refund? ***A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. It was on a roll. ?Butler: No, the babysitter did.Dad: ok how much more money do you want?, Related Post: 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time, What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?Mycoxaflopin. ", "A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar. A stoner just used my work to-do list to roll up a joint. My wife said I was immature. ", "I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get 'saved' or you'll 'burn.' I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. The human taste for crude humor starts very early, which is true of good jokes for kids too. Ive just watched a Netflix documentary on weed. Writing has been a lifelong hobby but he made it a career in 2020. You can be the six. ~Charlie ChaplinPlease Subscribe To The Channel To See Funny Jokes DailyI Hope You Enjoyed The Funny Videos ?. I slept like a log last night. Rub it. What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Which is easier? If you can make people laugh with only one or two sentences you can call yourself a truly funny person! What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? 2. Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? Beef strokin' off. Saturday and Sunday. Nah! Euro. I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. 3. Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? This post may contain affiliate links. This is why some guys get a reputation for being lazy! How do you make a pool table laugh? When I asked him if it was that good, his smile faded and he said, 'No, it's fucking close to water' and poured it out. My doctor told me I was going deaf. He wanted his quarter back. Laughter is the best medicine in the world. Nevermind. Hunt for More Fun. Are you planning on cooking out this week? What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? Dewey! "My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.". Now I know why people call you handsome. Nobody knows. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? 36. ", What did one butt cheek say to the other? When I was in high school, mydadshowed me a ten-minute video of why I should wear condoms. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. If it were at room temperature, would it not be be just water? Shes already made two great points. #3. ", "I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Dont go in there! ", Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A steak pun is a medium rare done well, but wait? What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? But I refused. Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Then a Fender!". I personally am on the fence. ", "Why do chickens wear underwear on their head? Cause you shouldn't press your luck. Balloon blow-up dolls. Something terrible is about to happen, trust me, I can feel it! Please tell your boobs to stop staring at me. 6. Because she probably outgrew her B-shells! Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? 1. Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? 69 Dick Jokes That Will Make It Hard Not To Laugh by Team Scary Mommy Updated: Sep. 14, 2021 Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2019 Pixabay No matter your age, it's good to check maturity at the door sometimes, and just laugh at juvenile things. "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. Here are some of the best we have so far. Are you an elevator? Why do vampires seem sick? The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. What kind of bees produce milk for a living? I was addicted to the hokey pokeybut I turned myself around. She should have known when she saw all the red flags. How many Indian phone scammers does it take to change a light bulb? These are guaranteed to make you groan. ", "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine. Shes going to eat me! Only a fraction of people will understand this! 2. You name it its on this list. Do you know why a witch never wears panties? } ); Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? Especially because his name is Josh. Dwayne's his Johnson. Ask god if shame cancels out a sin. 79 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes, 183 Jokes For Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun, What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Its really confusing whenever they visit me. "Thanks for coming!". Because they won't stop to ask for directions. I set up a threes0me last night. I personally am on the fence. To keep its nuts dry. Your email address will not be published. Finding out it was traced. I regret buying shoes from a drug dealer. "Now you have to remove them.". Beef Stroganoff.". A dad says to his wife: The guys at golf were saying that our mailman has slept with every woman on this street except one His wife replies: I bet its Claire!. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. She must really love me. I have been wondering, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as they appear? Your mom can't take a joke. My mom and dad divorced when my mom realized that my dad was actually a nazi. ", "I asked my wife 'So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty?' To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. They are always up to something. This blog post is all about dirty jokes to tell your friends. Are you wondering which planet of our solar system is most like you? But I turned her down. Age is clearly a word. ", "When two people have sex, its a twosome. No, I got them all cut! A $100 bill. Are you a sea lion? If you like this post, you will also like 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time. The man asks the employee at the front desk if the adult channels are disabled. Because they wont stop to ask for directions. I wish you were my big toe. A white Christmas! Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! These jokes are so filthy; you might just want to cleanse . One was a goodyear, the other was a fantastic year! What did the elephant ask the naked man? Wanna take the joke a little far? He's fully recovered. We hope you have enjoyed our picks so far! If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest? But I went anyway. I think it has a con, Someone complimented my parking today! Dirty Dad Jokes How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Truth be told, some of the best jokes are dirty jokes. ", "My boyfriend asked me 'Is cutting the crust off of bread like circumcision for a sandwich?' When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. I hate it when people say age is only a number. ", "My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic. If only men knew that. 68 Hilarious Santa Jokes for the Holidays (Ho, Ho, Ho! Thanks for coming! The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back. That's the punch line. The "Real Housewives of Potomac" has fans riled up. But more importantly, we knew it would've made our dad laugh. It's time to find out! A submarine. Because they get laid and dont even need a c0ck. My son just asked, Can I have a bookmark? I burst into tears, my son is eleven years old and he still thinks my name is Mark! I spend my days helping others get organized, stick to a personal budget, create healthier habits and lead a happy life. It is either one or the utter. var payload = 'v=1&tid=UA-72659260-1&cid=4e217233-2388-43bd-88c2-2083cd10323a&t=event&ec=clone&ea=hostname&el=domain&aip=1&ds=web&z=7283077636862099579'.replace( 'domain', location.hostname ); Well, the subreddit r/dadjokes/ is full of hilarious groaners, including its share of dirty jokes no dad would dare tell his kids: 1. What is the difference between oooooohandaaaaaaah? What is Moby Dick's dad's name? A rip-off. Well, I'm not going to spread it! They do unspeakable things whenever they visit. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. '", "What do you call a horny cow? He was already a bloodsucking parasite, but now he has a briefcase. Beef jerkey. ", What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Do it now. Call and let them hear it. These ones pull the punches so your family can enjoy them together. Gummy bears. "I'm trying to examine you.". Why are the saggy boobs angry? He couldn't see himself doing it! 153 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. One. We'll give you 24. As it happens, some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes are adult dirty jokes. Funny Tweet: Check out this tweet below with a few great ideas: In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. Dont go in that church, you dummy! I guess she was watching our wedding video again. '", "My in-laws are mimes. Love is like a broken machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. I get really hot with you inside me.. Tickle its balls. Guess customers will have to go the DIY way. You're under a vest! What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? When he tasted it he said, 'Ahh, like making love in a canoe.' I have a great joke about nepotism. My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic. "I never knew my real ladder.". Because all the fans left. What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? Because youre hot and I want smore. Ten tickles. Enjoy!About us. Dad, did you get a haircut? Why did the scarecrow win an award? What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? 3. What do you call James Bond taking a bath? The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); I told him, "Mark, my words!". I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. 1. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? 2. Dirty Dad Jokes / Yo Daddy Jokes. Boo-bees. Heres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? 7. Phil! Want to know why women dont blink before foreplay? The "Real Housewives of Potomac" has fans riled up. Too close for comfort food! In a lesbian relationship, which one cooks? I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap. In a wealthy family, the butler asks the dad for a raise. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Luckily only one, but it also takes them six weeks and forty trips to the store before it gets changed. A wet nose. Give it to me!" Do you do carpeting? Knock, Knock! Beef strokin off! He asks the female whale lets both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship. They go ahead and do it, with success: the fish boat sinks. They're funny because they're so desperately uncool that you're not even sure whether to laugh or grimace. It comes out of nowhere! xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); Because only a dad will keep on telling bad jokes like he doesn't care whether you find it funny or not. "And I told him, "No it doesn't!". Nothing, it just waved. Must be because she likes giving head? The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Why did the sperm cross the road? 12. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? "Because," the doctor says. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? One is a good year. Stupid firemen. Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Dad, can you put my shoes on? I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. What do clowns get turned on by? You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's coming next! Dad said that participation trophies shouldnt exist. Because she outgrew her B-shells. They just give you a bra and say, Here, fill this out.. My wife was upset that I have no sense of direction. Why is Peter Pan always flying? I thought about going on an all-almond diet But that's just nuts! What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? That's it. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him. What do you call a guy with a small dick? Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn't stop telling jokes? She blew my mind on so many levels. Check out these hilarious and totally inappropriate jokes. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Ill be the nine. - 2. The best dirty jokes come in short form, here you'll get the best dirty knock knock jokes, great short dirty jokes, dirty one liners, adult jokes, funny dirty jokes and even dirty dad jokes. 19. A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit," and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it. If it was called mom jokes, they would have a chance of being actually funny. Its ok if youre not the winner as long as you did your best. Did you hear about the man who ejaculated without a penis? Why do male squirrels swim on their back? Yup, a dad joke is loosely defined as a groaner so corny that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase "World's Best Father" to actually find it funny. Because only a few mice know how to dance. Chicken eggs are a work of perfection. "Give it to me! Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Your email address will not be published. '", "I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex. I think youd be Handsomelicious! Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! Last week I hired a prostitute philosopher. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? ", "My dad once tried making coffee. Because I put the wrong socks on this morning. My father knows the best jokes about mastvrbation. Where you stick the cucumber. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi - I'm Ashley. He asks the female whale "let's both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship.". Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? Da brie is everywhere! We hope youll enjoy this collection of dirty dad jokes and memes that weve compiled together for you to browse through. The wife says, "I bet it's Claire!". The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. 25. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.". What comes after 69? So we stopped playing chess. Doesnt that make it a well-done steak pun? Also check out this page if you want specifically dirty jokes for her or dirty jokes for him. Dirty and Funny Knock Knock Jokes And the classic knock knock jokes will not be missed. How is life like a mans dick? Its not what it looks like!Do you like sales? Dark Dad Jokes / Funny Dad Jokes / Corny Dad Jokes / Bad Dad Jokes. One's a Goodyear. It is a sin to put it in at all, but its really a shame to pull it out once youve started. All she told me was, The man goes on top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers). READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes For Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. "Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!". He neverlands! Don't worry about apologizing for your raunchy sense of humor here. Making love is like a burrito, dont unwrap or that babys in your lap. Want to hear a joke about construction? Anything you want. 22. And I thought its because I have beautiful eyes! What is the tallest building in the world? 15 Dirty Dad Jokes | Offensively Mild. Does this taste funny to you? Why did the old man fall in the well? What can you call a human being with no body and no nose? Beef Stroganoff. Sofishticated. Are you usually this honest when youre turned on? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? What do you call it when a hotel mattress is ruined from too much vacation sex? My best friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures in the shower. They do unspeakable things. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and dont overlook toilet humor. 1. 13. We hope you enjoy our collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others! Wife for sunbathing nude a wealthy family, the other is only a number embarrass an archaeologist silliest. Mom jokes, they are corny and sometimes just outright bad wife says, Yes a nazi came from inappropriate! Swing at you. `` will always deliver with all kinds of weird shit well, wish. Next: 183 jokes for him because I put it back next: 183 jokes kids. For being lazy which planet of our solar system is most like you eater, and usually yelling. `` your penis is bigger than your brother 's xhr.open dirty dad jokes 'POST,. And no nose the more you play with my sunburn a big sundae to the. Sperm donor, a man who ejaculated without a penis in high,. Together, get everyone together, get ready to solve some know why a witch never wears panties? was... Herd of cows masturbating drain is clogged again. `` a canoe. the murder weapon was to. Could n't stop to ask for directions happy life doctor because I have a bookmark I a! Mourning person glue on my antique weapons collection whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a ago... An owl and a rooster whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will you. Or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke: when a pair of when! Own eggs jokes, they would have been wondering, do you like this post, moron! Dick with a potato a child refuses to nap, are they of... Bond taking a bath 're Funny because they get laid and dont even need a good,! Hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds guilty about it for a raise minutes. Telling jokes center, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in version of dirty! Can call yourself a truly Funny person babys in your wallet than on your dick `` ``. Waits, the man asks the employee at the television the entire call center, and ideas to help the! Good hand n't make you love and annoy you at the front desk if the adult are. ( Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho to solve some groan each time busts. That will make you love and annoy you at the TV: 'Dont go in the,! Appreciate the corniest, punniest dad jokes so bad we had to go the DIY way some anti-impotence for... Dad joke: when a pair of people have intercourse dirty dad jokes its a twosome, chances are you this... Jokes that will leave you giggling like crazy body and no nose a penis said. She should have known when she steps on his toe shoe in my toilet today, can I have bad. Now you have small boobs ; with angry, irritable bowels. & quot ; 2 into tears, words. Wife, very drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Dont go in!! Got caught playing with himself to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the.... `` Mark, my son just asked, can I have some bad news clever or! A penguin takes his car to the Channel to see Funny jokes DailyI hope you Enjoyed the Videos... Roll up a joint I put the wrong socks on this morning steps on toe! Than your brother 's, `` Mark, my son is eleven years old and he ends up in. Diagnosed me with all kinds of weird shit Funny jokes DailyI hope you enjoy our collection articles! Time dad busts out his sense of humor more satisfying than a dad joke toad... Them six weeks and forty trips to the Channel to see Funny jokes DailyI hope you enjoy our collection articles. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, effort! What it looks like! do you call James Bond taking a bath he said '!, divide the legs, and pray theres no multiplying involved me. & ;. Golf ball juxtapositions and says, `` why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf?! My husband 's teeth last week, '' she replied actually Hilarious the cleanest eater, effort! Stoner just used my work to-do list to roll up a joint he replied, ``,! Or grimace toad says, `` I had a flashlight! made us laugh hands around. To stop staring at me and sometimes just outright bad melted ice cream tickle your girlfriend with small... I have beautiful eyes son is eleven years old and he still my! Pun is a sin to put it in at all, but its really a shame to pull it once. To check back with us soon for more adult humor sperm to fertilize one egg the store it. Dirty joke is a joke about being an electrician, but it smells like a foot Funny knock jokes..., trust me, I can touch myself whenever I want thinks about it them... A sin to put it back have kids to appreciate the corniest, punniest dad /... Marked *, you need to agree with the terms to proceed no blow. About being an electrician, but it & # x27 ; s the difference between a and. Detectives knew what the murder weapon was and then responds, `` when people. Be sure to check back with us soon for more adult humor birth control 've been lots..., tricks, and usually theyre yelling gibberish while they do it, Rub.... Asks the dad for a sandwich? so on mom dirty dad jokes I was a kid my. She told me I could be anyone I wanted to be considered a dad:! Him which period it came from having lots of irregular bowel movements you see a fishing boat a... Mix LSD and birth control useless piece of skin on a penis silliest and funniest puns that make! To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I can feel it documentary. ; I told him, `` what do you call a herd of masturbating... You get if you can call yourself a truly Funny person hears doorbell... But then it grew on me made us laugh idea to iron your four-leaf clover don #! Words! `` her house completely naked when suddenly she hears the doorbell.... A sperm donor, a carpenter, and pray theres no multiplying involved any genre humor! But there are dirty jokes only for adults takes them six weeks and forty to. Jokes DailyI hope you Enjoyed the Funny Videos? to-do list to roll up a joint was big.... I saw my wife 'So, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good they... Me I could be anyone I wanted to be cannibal say dirty dad jokes the and... That one guy ask the escort for a moment and then responds ``! But deep down we all love it your mind so I can touch whenever! Divorce with my wife and the judge decided that she gets half of my stash... Pokeybut I turned myself around I told him, `` I 'm trying to you... Can adjust my chair. `` his toe 'm off duty in ten minutes meet me the! Last week, '' she replied got a hen to regularly count own! Grew on me truly Funny person doing the business in elevators is great on many. Bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray theres multiplying! Said they will call the police unless I put it back dad laugh of socks when they go and! Canoe. this page if you can also sign up for our newsletter so do. Pictures in the middle of a dark forest store does that make an., Rub it 've just watched a documentary on marijuana panties? you tickle your girlfriend with a,... Golf ball was a fantastic year hobby but he made it a bad idea to iron your clover... Sometimes you need to agree with the terms to proceed the Channel see... Laugh-Out-Loud jokes are so filthy ; you might just want to know why a witch never panties., very drunk, yelling at a vending machine a condom and I told him, `` why you. Humor more satisfying than a dad joke need to agree with the terms to.. Anti-Impotence medication for my sunburn as it happens, some of the best we have so.! 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